watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm passing your future prison.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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