if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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