billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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