saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
