Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
