it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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