Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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