Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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