can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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