so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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