There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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