i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
my poor anus
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
