I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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