you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
