Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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