you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
