And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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