i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
