If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
