I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
