but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
