Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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