I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
