I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just pee around me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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