you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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