I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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