You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
