why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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