I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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