my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So. Much. Porn.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
