He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience