once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
