was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
