Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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