you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it's like heaven, but drunker
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
