I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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