i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All the doctor said was why
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
