you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize