well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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