and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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