3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
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