Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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