It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Watching her eat just hurts me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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