Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
