Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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