You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
