Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
