so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
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She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize