Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
