Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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