Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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