Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
