we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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