You made me cry and you don't even care
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
