so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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