He felt like a one man threesome
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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