I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
