ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
