so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
