So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
