Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
