My hand turned me down
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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