Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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