You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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