I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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