This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
