On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
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I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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