Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
