he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
