i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
