Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
