Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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