I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
