Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
