this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
