I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
