god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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