is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
