nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
