so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
