I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
