he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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