Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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