I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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