Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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