i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
