Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
